Fall or Fool?

There comes a time when we look out the window and we notice that the world is changing around us. The clear blue skies are faded with clouds and dotted with rain, the green green trees will soon bare their skin and the winds change to chill. Yes, its been a year, and fall has arrived. But is there a clue in the name ‘fall’? Is it time for the great times of the summer to end? If the world changes around us then will it change us? Or do we decide our own fate? The question is is it time for fall or are we the fool of fall?

In a world where there are so many mysteries of the past, present and future we all question our ability to change. Do we step into the unknown? The mystery of the future. Do we stay on the same tracks? Do we live our life or liven up our life? Is it our choice? There are so many questions, so little answers when making the decision. Is it time to step into the unknown or carry on the path. We are sure that winter will follow autumn will follow summer will follow spring, but can we be as sure that the decisions we make are right? And how we will know if they’re wrong?

Sometimes there comes a day, maybe a week, maybe a month or even a year where we will experience some of the greatest moments of our lives, sometimes we will sense the opportunities to take, and we will know by pure coincidence or by pure faith that the decision we make is right. And sometimes that’s all we need. A little faith. There are those who don’t believe, they don’t feel our passion, they don’t feel our need, they don’t feel. And even if there is no one who feels, apart from you, then that is all you need.

Not to say that you won’t be tested along the way, if the doubts around you aren’t tests already. There are decisions to be made along the way, we can’t have an easy ride it just wouldn’t be an adventure without them. But we can smooth out the bumps and cushion the collisions. Friends, family and memories can spare us the hardship and push us, propel us from dream to reality.

With a new season comes a new change, the leaves may begin to fall, the temperature may fall but there is no need for life to fall. While the seasons may have changed and the view from the bridge may be completely the same it all looks so different, and that’s because even if we’re standing on exactly the same spot we are in a completely different place. Its amazing what a year can do, we can become something we never knew, reveal something that we always kept hidden or live the life we always liked the sound of. We can come closer to a dream or develop a new one. And if we’re reaching for the stars our head could surface the clouds, or surpass the sky.

Yes, the seasons are changing, the world is spinning, time is ticking, and all the while if we’re not moving then we’re standing still. And standing still in a moving world is like going backwards. If life is what happens while your busy making other plans then a fulfilled life is one with lots of plans, and change is what happens when you’re chasing them. The window may look different but mirror even more so. We can decide our fate if we try hard enough, and try we must because the day has come to tell us that life is too short.

For Tom.

Searching for the hero

Sometimes it takes a movie, a song or another person to remind you that after all life isn’t that bad. While there is always room for improvement and even though your worries are escalated we always have to think for the moment, live for the moment and make sure that we remember the moment. Each of us has a yearning and a desire to excel, and inside us all is the success we want, we just have to find a way of letting it out. Sometimes we have to take a risk, sometimes we have to shrug off the laughter because behind the laughter may be jealousy, and you may have some real talent. It excites us to have dreams, when we feel them on our minds we smile, we know that they may not ever happen, but just the chance makes us wonder all the more. And we all have an idol, someone we wish we were, someone we wish would come and save us. Just like the cartoons, just like the movies, there’s always a hero. And just because they may never come and save you from a burning building, they save you mentally and give your mind a cushion. Notice that not once have I asked a question. Because dreams are something that you just can’t question.

Its difficult I know, to know your dream is so far from reality. Its difficult I know, that people don’t always believe in you. And I know, also, how hard it is to see the people around you excel and wonder how lucky they are, and how lucky they were to be in the right place at the right time. We can’t however mull over this forever, because you’ll never change what’s been and gone. All you can do is steer yourself in the direction of the destiny you believe in. Sometimes you’ll come across people who hinder what you do, sometimes people will slow you down, but there is always a chance that someone will also send you rocketing. Occasionally people around you will question who you are. Sometimes they will be so intrigued in you that you won’t know how to answer. Sometimes you may lose yourself in the moment, but losing yourself is all part of finding out who you are. After all, you don’t know what you’ve got until you’ve lost it.

There are people who get their dreams, I don’t know how or why they are chosen, but they should count themselves very lucky. There are those who have everything but without their dreams have nothing. There are beautiful moments that we should never forget, chances that we should never give up and people we should never let go of. But it is not always our choice, sometimes the moments are ruined, sometimes the chances are pulled from the table and sometimes the people need to move on. We all have a future, we all have something we want and never are two people the same. Capturing the moment isn’t easy, in the movies it’s the dance in Dirty Dancing, its the choir in Sister Act, it’s the finale in High School Musical. So why isn’t it the same in real life?

Why do the movies always get it right in the end? In life is there ever a happy ending? Today if I asked you are you happy, there’s a chance you may say not totally, but if you knew that tomorrow were your last day, you’d look back throughout the whole of your life and know that inside while it may not be fulfilled, it was fun and you wouldn’t change it for the world. So this is the stuff dreams are made of. Maybe they were never meant to happen, maybe dreams should stay dreams, and maybe it’s the boat on the horizon we were never meant to catch.

But that’s no satisfactory ending. Because dreams do come true, just because you haven’t won the lottery and haven’t hit the big time it only means you haven’t yet. And who wants the lottery anyway, that would only be cheating. There are dreams out there for the taking, we can’t know when or where they may finally come true, but that’s the excitement. If there are heroes out there to save us then why are we still waiting? We have to remember that sometimes heroes are busy, sometimes heroes have dreams also, sometimes heroes have moments that they need to remember and sometimes but not often even heroes need saving; And that’s because heroes are me and you.

Swings and Roundabouts

In the clear summers night of mid July, when the stars were shining through and brightening up the London sky, and the moon in all its half glory echoed amongst them, I got to wondering (as normal) about life. How the choices we make may decide the very fate we are heading to. Are we suppressing ourselves by not creating opportunities? And are others suppressing us? If so, How do we confront these suppressions and excel? Can we break free? And if we do what knowledge do we have that we’ll be caught on the other side? If life is really just a set of swings and roundabouts, what changed? When did the swings and roundabouts we used to love as kids, in which we saw no danger, become dangerous? We have to wonder when did it all get so serious?

Remember the days in the playground, when you would be told to be careful or slow down, and all you wanted to do is go higher or faster. Is this where all the fun went? Did we start getting boring because we started listening? Undeniably, there were times when we should have listened and didn’t, but no doubt there were times when we listened, and wished we hadn’t. But when was it that other people’s judgments started being important. Sometimes we need to refocus our efforts. Sometimes we need to come to our own conclusions and find out for ourselves why it is we shouldn’t do ‘it’.

Decisions come more and more every year. And yet inside ourselves we are always facing one on our own. A difficult one. Something that maybe we can never fully answer. Maybe we can never fully decide. Some decisions mean losing too much, and it is these decision that pain us. Because even if our heart tells us the answer, our minds can’t face the music and swing. But why is it that when you decide to take one answer that the heart doesn’t believe in, it won’t give up until you pick the other. Why when your at a roundabout, and you’ve picked your destination, does the road become shut? Yes the other two routes may lead us there in the end, but on a longer journey, one of fears and tears. A journey where the baggage is light, not because you dropped it, but because it dropped you. Is it fair that such a small decision should change our lives so dramatically?

So what is getting us down? As a nation, a city? Is it really the money, the job, the friends, the relationship? Which of these is our real pain? It could be any one. Or maybe a mixture of them all. But all of these things make up who we are. Its what we do, what we buy, who we see, how we laugh. So basically its us. Are we just getting ourselves down. By not doing anything but think, are we thinking ourselves so deep that we will soon drown? Should we instead get out of the thought process and get into the action? Should we jump out of the net and into the ocean, we should.

Putting it off will just continue to hurt us. If our lives are boring, it is our own fault. We brought ourselves here, so we should take ourselves back again. When we were young, we cut our leg, grazed our arm, we fell down. And the tears may have come as an automatic reaction but what was the lead-time on our recovery? Minutes? Seconds even? We may have fell down in life but we got back up, we didn’t think about it, we didn’t make it something it wasn’t, we had no reason to. And why should we now? When we fall down, we should take as much time as we did when we were 6 recovering, wipe the tears, stick on a plaster and carry on. Because life is a load of swings and roundabouts, and they keep getting higher, and they keep getting faster. And that’s as serious as it should get.

Minding the gap

There are some buildings so monumental and historical you will recognise them in the blink of an eye. In London we have so many of the structures and when you see them everyday and week, you start to need to escape. If Big Ben is London’s signature building then what is London’s signature sound? The Tube? Everybody moving around and escaping the last station. As we all escape and the summer holiday season begins we reach the vital question. Whether to leave it all behind, the baggage, the friends; or to come back, to revisit the past and let it be in the future? “Are you travelling one-way or return?”

Departing is the excitement before the real excitement. It’s the anticipation and the questioning of what will be? In life we’re always departing for something new, another day at school, at work, another day at life. But why is it that departing in this sense is so different? Where does the excitement go? Is it because the same journey done repeatedly is so hard to believe in? Is it because the buildings we see are still there and nothing changes? Change is therefore the ultimate excitement in any journey. And if the journey is a result of change then we face the best journey of all.

There are those that worry they have missed their stop. There are those that worry if they’re even on the right tracks. But there are those that reassure themselves with fate. Those that say, “if it was important for me to get off there, I would have felt it.” What is it about fate that we search for? Is it an excuse for our own beliefs? When we feel something isn’t right why do we blame it on fate? Are we all scared of reality? Are we all scared of our own feelings? Why when we feel something is perfectly fine for others to do are we so scared to come out and accept we would as well?

What about arriving? Sometimes we are disappointed by what we see. The luxury we were promised is nothing more than a luxury reception. Is this what we all do? Are we putting on a brave face but inside are scared? When on our own we often say “ye I’m fine.” But are we really fine? Is it that we just don’t want to share our problems? Or is it that sharing them might make them real? What we all face is a trouble to ourselves but we must recognise that in each of our lives we all face troubles. We all have something to mull over. We all worry about something, because there is always something for everyone. But what we all do is just human. Because while there is always a problem for everyone, there also always lies an opportunity for everyone. It may not be evident, but when is it ever? We may have to dig to find it. But where there is negative, like the world itself balanced in magnetic fields, there is also positive to cancel out.

And then there’s the question of return. While we all would love to live in this fantasy holiday, on a dreamy island with endless sun. We can’t stay here forever. Eventually we have to return. Because often, even though we may have escaped, behind us London is coming to find us. Because home will always chase you everywhere you go. It won’t let go and in your heart neither will you. So one way may seem like a good idea but in the end will just end up being uneconomical. We are all on a journey ourselves. Each of us sent from somewhere only to return there when we pass on. And sometimes the journey is only short lived, but the memories live longer than the people left behind to pass them. This journey, much like the Waterloo and City line has very few stops but is short and very sweet.

Escaping can never be long term, because we hear our home calling, and our hearts groaning, despite the fun we may have. Returning is the breath of air that we taste, that vibe, the rush. And then we see the building, and although it may not have changed, we have. And that is life.

R.I.P. Ben Kinsella

Spare change

It’s a word that most people fear, they ebb on the edge of their seats worried by it and Monarchs for centuries have fought wars in order to stop it from occurring. Change. Nowadays world leaders and key political figures use it as a positive emblem of hope, a beacon of the future to aim towards, but which do we trust the former belief of retaining tradition and colouring inside the lines or forsaking all others to step into the unknown and activate change? When change is brought to the top of the agenda we worry, because it will have consequences. Good and bad. But are the latter consequences, in the long term, always bad? This week as the tides alter and the stars shift to the Cancer sign, all cancerians can expect change and then I began wondering is all change bad?

Sometimes because we fear it so much we let it mislead us and we avoid it so much that it ends up to our detriment. We destroy the person we are for others whom have changed on their own agenda and don’t plan on having you as tightly related to it any more. If we try to hold on, then the longer we do the more dangerous the drop may be. Does this mean that change is unstoppable? Once the wheels are in motion does this mean that that’s it?

But what if we do try to hold on and then realise that we should let go…What if they person you were holding onto won’t let you go? Are you being stretched ever more between change and tradition? And will you end up more hurt in the end? Moving on is difficult but sometimes we have to cut ourselves loose, because the relationship we have is unsustainable. On reflection though what caused the change? And why did it happen? Can you change who you are or just your circumstances?

The truth is people never change, circumstances do. Inside we are always the same person, with the same thoughts and the only thing new is the experiences. But people who appear to change for no reason are nothing more than experienced actors. However, people do change when their circumstances do. Smokers sometimes quit when they feel unhealthy. Criminals might transform after their punishment. But change is undoubtedly difficult. And getting it right even more so. But we still ask is there such thing as bad change?

When we purchase products in a store and we get change, we are often reluctant to accept its value. The small value means that we see it as bad as it replaces a note with annoying pennies. But this IS positive. When it comes to it we have just received money, no matter how small. So what about when we spend a large note on a small purchase? We get lots of change and feel good because we can see its value is high. So although when we get our small change and we see it as bad if we were to make many purchases and add it up to larger amounts of change we may even be able to swap it for new opportunities or in our example a note.

So if we see change as bad in the short term, often it is positive and large in the long term. Therefore it isn’t detrimental and bad change is nothing more than bad perception of good change.

After all, it happens every day, the weather we rely on so much, the traffic lights that go red right in front of us, and our emotions that differ so often that they are uncontrollable. It is the reason for every achievement we make, every time we fail, it is change leading us somewhere new, steering in another direction. But we mustn’t hold on to that which is failing before us, because new starts are easy to achieve only if old endings are pain-free.

So take to the road and escape your limitations because you are free. And new opportunities may not be apparent when letting go but will soon take form and will open new roads ahead of you, new options, options of change. And we must collect all change because it all adds up to movement, motivation and make over. It all adds up to new horizons, far and wide. Take a leap of faith and grasp the swing of change. Believe.

Happy Birthday Cancerians! 10th Post!

The monopoly of monogamy

When the tears are dry, the thoughts have stopped spinning your head in circles and the body feels the energy to live again do we choose to love again? Why does it seem so easy for others to proceed and you feel stuck in a love rut? What is it about getting into a relationship that seems so frightening? Is it the thought of playing the game in pairs hard to deal with? Is it the worry that the dice won’t roll in your favour? Is it the fact that in games there are always more losers than winners? So what are the odds? We cannot help but wonder regardless of the luck factor whether or not love is a losing game.

In a game there is always competition, sometimes the game is highly competitive in exchange for a prize or title, but often amongst friends the game is easy going and the winner gains nothing but winning. Or do they? Even in the small games we all feel that competitive edge. If we were to let down our guard for just a second someone will snap at an opportunity. So why, even between friends, are we so competitive? In relationships what is the game? Is the winner the one with better looks? Better job? More money? And what if there are three or more players? Who wins? Because if the winner is say the guy who gets the girl over another guy then there are two winners and one loser. And if friends can do this to each other can we assume there are no rules?

Around us there are all the types of love to be found. The new love that we never saw happening. The old love that never wore out. The unconditional love that we always return to and the love that in the back of our minds we always hoped for. What if we find it hard to tick any of these off of our own list? What if we haven’t found love yet? In the game if everyone is after the prize; who’s going to help the new player? What if no one is around to teach you to play? And what if your presence is unwelcome?

And what about your relationship with you? Can you enter the game of external relationships if you haven’t completed the game internally? And if you can is it healthy to be playing two games at the same time? What if you find the new love you’ve been playing for but miss the prize giving because you had to play your own game? Is it ridiculous to believe we can actually win; if new love never comes how can you achieve old love? Do you find yourself asking what is so wrong with me?

There are people out there that make us feel like there is something so wrong with ourselves, make you think that you are good at nothing. But the problem is perspective not prospective. If someone has better prospects don’t hinder yourself just by comparing from your perspective because there is something good about you that they feel competitive about. Think of it as monopoly they have Mayfair and you have Regent Street, but you have their other purple and they have your two greens. They seem to have more than you in value but do they in quantity? Regardless of game, whether real or friendly both players will have equal chances and neither will have an ‘upper hand.’ And while a winner may appear out of skill in reality it is nothing more than sheer luck.

In love, luck is everything. It is lucky to find the right person at the right time, lucky for you both to enjoy each others company, lucky for you to find love. Competition is natural, but love comes from collusion of competition, coming together to find similar goals rather than tearing down the very few rules to beat each other out. If love is new to you then the game is simple, like any game the more you play it the better you’ll get at it. Don’t worry about finishing your own game because that is a game that will never end until the very end. What we all need is a little perspective, a true look at who we are, because competition doesn’t end, love isn’t the only game we’re playing. We play with luck all day everyday; running across the road, walking home at night. Games; one and all.

While love like any game will always have its losers and may hurt those who risked a lot to play; like any game one day the risk might pay off. We all play the lottery regardless of the very little chance we have, but we do so in hope that one day we achieve the ultimate prize. Over our lifetimes we invest a lot into the prize and may even only win back what we invested. And there are those that win nothing but the experience of taking part. Love, much like the lottery may be a losing a game but we can only hope that with a little risk and a little hope that one day we might win the jackpot.

The one that got away?

When the weights of the world are off your shoulders and you start to feel the wind, problems will always arise. It’s a simple fact of life; that is, that life is never easy, nor will it ever be so. They say that ‘too often we are so preoccupied with the destination that we forget the journey.’ So often it is that while day dreaming our future we can misplace our present and find the world has passed by. But why does the future seem so distant? And why if our train falls off the rails does it seem impossible to get back on track? I find myself asking; Is it true that if our ship has already sailed, we cannot catch it up?

It is an everyday problem, we reach the platform and the doors are shutting. Do we risk all humiliation and bother running or do we accept defeat and wait? And what is it that makes us so mad that we missed it? Is it the opportunities that we may have missed or the frustration of having to wait? But in life will there ever be another train? What if you’ve missed the boat? Is there still a future?

As a result of customer service if we miss our method of transport then we can get on another one at a later time or be compensated for the journey. But if we miss our journey in life how are compensated? Do we simply have to deal with it? Is our compensation the thought that the reason we didn’t get on is because there is still unfinished business? In other words what if fate is telling us something; What if we never meant to get on in the first place?

So then, do we even bother catching it up? Is it worth chasing that that doesn’t want to be chased? Or is that all part of the test? By rejection we may well be on the path to acceptance. For rejection was and still is the beginning of all the large movements, the woman’s vote and the civil rights movement. And like the Nazi’s violent rejection of the Jews, someone will always stand in the way and force change on wrongdoing. And all of these things have made good out of bad. So is that the answer? To chase to your hearts content.

Each of us knows what it is that we want and that which we don’t, because in life it is the future that gives motivation for the present. Just don’t get so wound up in the future that the present becomes lost. In real life we cannot help but chase because what we want is always somewhere above what we have, so we can never truly catch our ship, we are merely lagging behind its shadow on the horizon. And though occasionally we may lose sight of it we know it’s heading because it is the same as our own. And the effort we put in determines the distance between our ship of dreams and our ship of reality.

And where does the journey end? We cannot say because on the way our journeys intertwine with those of others and our paths distorted evermore. But we must make the most of it all because although it is good to have an end to the journey, it is the journey that matters in the end.