The monopoly of monogamy

When the tears are dry, the thoughts have stopped spinning your head in circles and the body feels the energy to live again do we choose to love again? Why does it seem so easy for others to proceed and you feel stuck in a love rut? What is it about getting into a relationship that seems so frightening? Is it the thought of playing the game in pairs hard to deal with? Is it the worry that the dice won’t roll in your favour? Is it the fact that in games there are always more losers than winners? So what are the odds? We cannot help but wonder regardless of the luck factor whether or not love is a losing game.

In a game there is always competition, sometimes the game is highly competitive in exchange for a prize or title, but often amongst friends the game is easy going and the winner gains nothing but winning. Or do they? Even in the small games we all feel that competitive edge. If we were to let down our guard for just a second someone will snap at an opportunity. So why, even between friends, are we so competitive? In relationships what is the game? Is the winner the one with better looks? Better job? More money? And what if there are three or more players? Who wins? Because if the winner is say the guy who gets the girl over another guy then there are two winners and one loser. And if friends can do this to each other can we assume there are no rules?

Around us there are all the types of love to be found. The new love that we never saw happening. The old love that never wore out. The unconditional love that we always return to and the love that in the back of our minds we always hoped for. What if we find it hard to tick any of these off of our own list? What if we haven’t found love yet? In the game if everyone is after the prize; who’s going to help the new player? What if no one is around to teach you to play? And what if your presence is unwelcome?

And what about your relationship with you? Can you enter the game of external relationships if you haven’t completed the game internally? And if you can is it healthy to be playing two games at the same time? What if you find the new love you’ve been playing for but miss the prize giving because you had to play your own game? Is it ridiculous to believe we can actually win; if new love never comes how can you achieve old love? Do you find yourself asking what is so wrong with me?

There are people out there that make us feel like there is something so wrong with ourselves, make you think that you are good at nothing. But the problem is perspective not prospective. If someone has better prospects don’t hinder yourself just by comparing from your perspective because there is something good about you that they feel competitive about. Think of it as monopoly they have Mayfair and you have Regent Street, but you have their other purple and they have your two greens. They seem to have more than you in value but do they in quantity? Regardless of game, whether real or friendly both players will have equal chances and neither will have an ‘upper hand.’ And while a winner may appear out of skill in reality it is nothing more than sheer luck.

In love, luck is everything. It is lucky to find the right person at the right time, lucky for you both to enjoy each others company, lucky for you to find love. Competition is natural, but love comes from collusion of competition, coming together to find similar goals rather than tearing down the very few rules to beat each other out. If love is new to you then the game is simple, like any game the more you play it the better you’ll get at it. Don’t worry about finishing your own game because that is a game that will never end until the very end. What we all need is a little perspective, a true look at who we are, because competition doesn’t end, love isn’t the only game we’re playing. We play with luck all day everyday; running across the road, walking home at night. Games; one and all.

While love like any game will always have its losers and may hurt those who risked a lot to play; like any game one day the risk might pay off. We all play the lottery regardless of the very little chance we have, but we do so in hope that one day we achieve the ultimate prize. Over our lifetimes we invest a lot into the prize and may even only win back what we invested. And there are those that win nothing but the experience of taking part. Love, much like the lottery may be a losing a game but we can only hope that with a little risk and a little hope that one day we might win the jackpot.