Happily Diverted

Sometimes on this journey we call life things happen that we don’t expect or can’t explain, but they happen. It seems a lot of the time these surprises are scary and can be harmful but there do come occasions where the surprises can shock us back into reality. They say that hiccups can be cured by a scare. We don’t aim to explain why this is the case or even to argue that this IS the case because it might not be, but we just agree with it, go along with it, because it costs nothing to do so. When you’re on a journey and you get diverted sometimes the diversion can be helpful, sometimes it ends up being the best option. We have to wonder, is something like a diversion as bad as it sounds?

When you hear the word, you assume a time consuming journey, problems, traffic, and confused people all around. But is this the case? Sometimes diversions are a hassle, but they can only be a problem if we let them. Diversions can help us take in more experience, better judgements, and help us see more of the world we know so little about. Diversions are like the little bit knowledge we wish we had but never knew how to get it. They give us new opportunities, because simple people like us stick to simple routines, the same way to work, the same way to school, the roads we use all the time because we know no other way. But getting lost can sometimes make us realise where we are.

In this weeks big news, where the government has chosen to blow it’s budget beyond all recognition and double national debt to get us out of recession quickly it makes me wonder what can be so bad. In one of my first posts I wrote that a recession probably isn’t that bad at all, we all need to hit rock bottom so we can bounce back. Often its best to let our emotions contract and become a recession; and become a depression, so that we can realise what happiness is. If we were happy all the time we would start to lose confidence in what happiness was. Just like the economy works in peaks and troughs, booms and busts, we work that way too. Because without them we wouldn’t know who we were. And for Gordon Brown to have suggested it could be abolished, well that just makes no sense at all.

But aren’t these government measures just diversion tactics, remember an election is due soon. We cannot tell the result of this diversion, its too early to know, but wherever we end up, however big the gamble we play, however new the gamble is, we know one thing, that we have a destination. But that’s the other problem, we don’t know where we’re going.

When we hear the announcement that the bus is being diverted we hear the many moans and groans of our fellow passengers, and hell, we even give a go ourselves sometimes. But the trick is to know where you’re going, without that you’re just a lost soul. If we play our cards right and ride out the diversion we may end up getting home faster than before. And that’s not that bad at all.

For the past couple of months, maybe even since the second ever post I made, this blog has been a session of depression in my life. Its been a long one, its been hard, and has caused many problems along the way. Issues have arisen, people have come and gone, I’ve been back and forth, changes have been made, and delays have been caused. But. Where there occurs a recession, there occurs hope at the end of it. In all my previous posts hope has been a supporting pillar in the centre of them, that one day things may change. Who knew that all it would take was a simple diversion to make me smile unconditionally. Who realised that having it all isn’t material at all, because sometimes all we need is a good sleep, a good dream and at the end of it we awake a new person, a new day, a new life.

Today, is that day.


Thankyou for listening.

Life at the end of the rainbow

London is probably the worst weathered city of the world. Its sunny skies can turn to traitorous rain in minutes, its clouds can sit and loom all day or the sun can deliver unbearable temperatures. A city of mixed fortunes. It’s true, that when the British have nothing to talk about they automatically talk about the weather. It’s the conversation starter that can build friendships, and even successful marriages. The strange thing is that we talk about it like it’s a surprise, as if we had no way of possibly knowing the weather, when in fact, we can find out next weeks forecast almost immediately. However, how believable is it? And in life can we expect the same? If we could have a snapshot of our future, how reliable would it be? We have to wonder, can we rely on the weatherman, or is he our fair weather friend?

The clouds can be a good indicator of how we feel, the weather can directly affect our mood, and according to the star signs the moon and the sun can be great indicators of our future. So why then, is it that many reject this important method of prediction for our lives? The sky, the weather, everything we don’t seem to understand fully makes up the path of our life. Should that be a question or a statement? You see it’s easy to make the questions, but are these the things can really deliver the answers?

When the sky rains on your parade, the weather changes your plans and often slows you down; who is to blame? Walk along Oxford Street on a wet day and you will see the umbrellas out in full force. But, in life, do we have umbrellas when things go bad? What are our safety nets? How do we protect ourselves from the bad and make it safely to dry land? There are people in our lives who try to bare the brunt of the weather for us, protect us, and become our human shield. In return we do it for them and others; at least a friend would. But they cannot protect us forever, and sometimes we give up protecting them. Things change, umbrellas weaken and break, new ones are purchased. So if we lose our umbrella is it only our own fault if we get pissed on?

We cannot befriend everyone forever, and with broken friendships comes broken bonds. The mud may get thick, and the buckets of knowledge may spill. But we continue down this road. When we break relationships it cannot always be easy and we are bound to feel the rain. But where is the dry land? Will there even be any? The weather, thankfully, moves faster than we do, and so moves on pretty fast. The clouds may follow for some time to come but they do break and sometimes even in the deadliest of storms there comes a rainbow, a beacon of hope. A belief that somewhere in the future lies our pot of gold.

If we were to get that snapshot of life in the future, know where that pot of gold will be and see what life looks like with it, will it make us more determined or hinder our travels? For example, will picking up the pace and not seeing all around us on the way make us fall down somewhere along the way and become spoilt and insensitive when we get there? Or simply just deliver the goods faster? I believe that the experience of having little will make the best of having lots. And it is with this that we can weather any storms later on in life.

In London, the sun rarely shines, but when it does, it does with all its glory. However this is not to suggest that the sun isn’t always shining. Behind them clouds there is a roaring sun, and it is only paper-thin clouds that stop us from seeing it. Why do we let an enemy that we could simply blow over mean so much in our lives? Why do they even matter? Because the sun is always shining we just have to believe, like God, like spirits just because we cannot see something it does not mean it isn’t there. What if we did see our future? Would it not just disappoint us and make us impatient, like the Christmas present we know we have but cannot touch. So we can predict all we want, we can aim for a future, but like I’ve said before, this journey knows of no destination, there is no set path that we know of, so we continue down this road until we decide to turn, if we decide to turn. And that cannot be properly predicted. Like the weatherman our fair weather friend, sometimes even the best can get it horribly wrong.

P.S. 20th post! Really flowing now!

Abra-Kadabra

They say that magic is nothing more than an optical allusion, its purpose to distract from the truth, that something very simple is being concealed as something very difficult and confusing. Magic is something that conjures a thousand questions from an audience. And if everyone around you is asking questions about you does that make you magical? If you are something very simple and plain, but to others you are complicated and layered are you a magician or just mysterious? And what is about the magic that is so intriguing? It’s got everyone talking but nobody ‘knowing.’ Magic is something beautiful that we can see on and off screen; something that has spark and reality, something that has character and individuality. And magic would not be magic if it wasn’t unique. So we have to ask, if life is one big magic show, against all the odds how do we pull the rabbit out of the empty hat?

For any show, the practicing element is the most important. Run-throughs take months, the scripts, the movements, the changes, and the lights. All these things must come together to surface as a professional piece. But in life we have very little practice. There are no run-throughs; there is no real stage. It seems that life is an improvisation; an actor’s worst nightmare, on the spot, centre stage, lights, camera, action. Or is it? Could life be scripted? Could it be nothing more than an international soap opera? The story lines are all fitting and sometimes things happen in such weird coincidence that we assume that there must be some pattern somewhere. I look up into the dark nights sky and wonder is it up there? Is destiny reality?

If in life there are only a few that succeed, we have to wonder, much like the audience, how they do it? Why is it that they are always those who least deserve it? This is what makes us believe that destiny is real, because despite their shortcomings and histories and problems, someone always comes along and solves them, in a minute. No. In a London minute. All the while the pain of ‘making it’ and eventually ‘faking it’ consumes others. I plead that someone, somewhere can help and someone somewhere will pull me out of this hat.

Sometimes all we need is a little encouragement, and little belief behind us. If you’re not the only one hoping you’ll make it, then the extra push won’t seem that hard at all. But what if you are alone? What if no one believes in you? What if you question the belief in yourself? Has the show come to an end?

Setbacks are hard to deal with, especially when so many come in so short a period of time. We can’t go around winning all the time even though it appears some people do. Some have the money, some have the glory, and some have all of it. But we don’t always see all of it. We see what they want us to see. And that is magic. The element of surprise, concealing reality. Ultimately; acting.

But it should not comfort us that other people have the same problems. Because that doesn’t make our own problems any smaller. Instead we should just deal with it. Break down if we need to, break up if we can’t go on. If you share how to do a certain magic trick then people spread the word, share it with their friends and on and on. So in life, if we stop concealing our feelings and just do what we have to to solve our problems then people will share the solution just like a trick.

Everybody knows there is no business like show business, but what everybody doesn’t know is that show business is the business we’re all in. On this dramatic stage we call life, people enter and exit, magic happens, tricks are shown, lives concealed, connections, characters and creativity is built. But as glamorous as it sounds, it is an ugly business. We don’t all win, we can’t hide forever and just like the paparazzi follow the stars, there will always be those who follow our lives with intrigue and pick at it along the way. Life may be scripted or not, we simply shouldn’t care because scripts change, whole scenes get erased and themes emerge from nowhere. And if there is no one encouraging you then let the other side of the tightrope be your encouragement. From experience I know that if you’re alone you manage to get there somehow. I said at the beginning that I didn’t believe there were rehearsals for life, but I take it back. This post has made me realise that rehearsals are everyday. Because yesterday we rehearsed for today and today we’re training for tomorrow, and there’s no guarantee it will come, but the show must go on.

Alla-Kazaam

6 Billion People, 6 Billion Problems

Despite being in one of the most socially active times of my life I’ve never felt more alone, the need to have someone to hold, to love, to need is overwhelming. And while love spills and overflows all around me I can’t help but feel half full and half empty. There are some turning points in life that are so noticeable and ground shattering that they are felt for miles and years but it seems that over the past years I have turned so many corners that I’ve ended up in a worse place than I started off. Where am I? What am I doing? And when will I realise that not searching for what is missing will take longer than doing so?

While dreams are being made and achieved all around, hopes are being accepted and people are overflowing with happiness I can’t seem to find the answer as to why I am unhappy. Is it jealousy; is it typical that while people seem to be succeeding and myself lagging behind my usual higher standards that I have become jealous of those that I once pitied? Is it possible that when taking the high road you will face a setback so great that those below will surpass you. Is it possible that on the road of life there is a high price to pay for speed, if it’s not a toll, it’s a speed fine. And there are some don’t make it all the way, and cause the whole motorway to slow down. It seems a simple concept; life. Just to stay healthy and carry on going, through thick and thin, and you’ll live a long and happy life. But in the reality there is substance, there is emotion, there are sins and hatred. There are people who envy and seek vengeance; there is murder and shock. Devastation.

Sometimes the tunnels don’t have light at the end, or at least it’s a long way off. But sometimes, it is these tunnels we have to experience to come out on top. Why is it so easy for some people? Why are they born popular and loved? Why are some people controversial and unaccepted in society? When did we start allowing normal to be defined? Why can’t the people around us be happy for us, communicate with us, build our confidence and strengthen their love? What have we done so wrong to deserve this? Where is our break, our freedom our junction? When life has been going 90mph for the last 5 years and we’ve got used to it, why does slowing down seem so depressing and how do we get back? And if we’ve broken down all together, who rescues us? In a car we have choices, the RAC, AA and the Police but in life who is there? What is the number for breakdown recovery? On the road, ultimately we are alone and we can’t always follow the same path, the cars are all different colours, from different places. Each unique.

But if you are awaiting recovery shouldn’t the lesson of this post and others be to make your own recovery? I think that while there are some times when we can recover ourselves there are also times where we cannot do nothing because we don’t have the knowledge or experience. Only we can judge what the problem is and whether we can deal with it on our own or to split it.

How do you make people realise who you really are? How do you break to them that you’ve changed? How do you bring it up in conversation? How do we lose all the restrictions and run, and run, and run?

Although it may not be any comfort to us, everyone is facing troubles. Our minds all consumed by some trouble, some issue. Some may be bigger than others but that is because we risked a lot more. The stakes were higher and the odds less guaranteed. But we are all betting on something. And while we’re sitting on the side of the road we should plan our recovery and wait for someone to help and one day we might be able to help them back. Because that’s the thing about life, we don’t always earn something immediately from the deeds we do, but some day it will mature and the reward will be greater than the cost of stopping.

Getting up

Sometimes we have to get away. We hate to accept the things we so badly want to change that we have to escape to get away from them. But is it escaping or just delaying? And will the escape make the problem much worse? It seems so. Sometimes we just don’t like the way something sounds. But by any other name would still be the same. Why is there always something? We are all acting, all playing on this stage of life, all hiding or concealing feelings or desires. We are all limiting ourselves. We all have troubles we cannot confess because saying them out loud will make it real. We all want to excel in life and move on the ladder to success but what if the ladder is on the floor, how do we get it up? I find myself wondering whether escaping is worth the hassle?

If we’ve come to end of all our roads, explored every avenue and found dead ends everywhere, and we know what we have to do to open the opportunities up but are too scared or too concerned to do so, how can we move on? How can we improve our future if we cannot prove who we are to ourselves? And if we are good on paper then why is it that in reality we have many troubles? There are so many who seem to be so happy with their ‘bad on paper’ lives. They seem to live trouble free and because their aims are much lower and easier to attain they are always satisfied with what they have. Is it possible that lowering your standards can improve your life? And if we lower our standards then what does the future hold?

It sounds like a lot of questions, but sometimes you just need a lot of answers. If we run from our troubles why does a bus hit us all the time? Is it possible to run and keep on running? I don’t feel that running should be an option, being brave and facing our troubles is not either though, or so it seems. If we do face the toughest challenge of our lives so far and get through it what will have changed? It seems that we’re certainly not scared to confess, but scared of the uncertainty of change. What guarantees can we get that nothing will change? None.

And there lies our trouble. If Tom chooses to admit, will Dick and Harry continue to be synonymous with him, or will the unbreakable break? If the unsinkable Titanic can sink, then it seems true that Tom, Dick and Harry will be separated. What does it take to open our eyes? Who are we fooling? Are we really all acting? Are we all having these and other troubles and cannot confess? And if so when is the interval? Because in a show as long as life, in a theatre like London we all need a break from the truth.

If it proves difficult to raise the ladder and no one is around to lend a hand, do we choose a different ladder? Is that the defining moment that makes us take off the mask and end the show? Or is it just life telling us to make a change, choose another ladder and break free?
And then, when you come back and all the troubles that followed you add to the existing ones at home, was it all worth it? Yes. Because even if we wanted to change our decision we can’t, its been and gone. Done. Face the music, and dance.

After all, if we are all acting and the world isn’t throwing us any lifelines then how can we not keep up the game. There are always excuses, workarounds, and blame to be placed elsewhere. And using these is the only lifelines we have. At least for now. Because we live in hope that all these bad times will end. And sometimes hope is worlds only lifeline.

The way we were

In London there are invisible limits. Despite being one of the financial centres of the world and considered a home of opportunities, to those who reside in it, it isn’t anything more than a homing ground. People around the world are constantly escaping, immigrating, moving. But to people in London there is no moving it seems the farthest we’d move would be to the edge of the city, but still could not move outside a stones throw from their beloved London. But what is it? Why do we complain about it everyday and yet could not be anywhere else? Why is it so hard to escape? And how did we get here? The British we’re once the world’s explorers, discovering handfuls of countries, building an empire and sharing our way of life with the world. We gave the world parliamentary systems, law and order, trade and many more ideologies. So why is it that the discoverers of the modern world find it so hard to even discover ourselves? It seems that Britain has lost its beliefs, its culture. Has becoming such a diverse country meant that we are unrecognisable? I look around today and find myself wondering should I stay or should I go now?

This will not be a politically correct post about immigration, more a metaphorical approach to the question ‘who am I’? Britain has a history like no other, a monarchy that stretches many millennia and has been ruled by most of Europe, but we all have histories, we all have the moments we’d rather forget, the times that we wish we could change and that other place we wish we would have been when we were at the wrong place at the wrong time. History is something we can’t outrun; it will always follow us but not always hinder us. We can change the perception of our history if we can change for the better for tomorrow. There are moments in British history like the years of slavery that bring shame to those who implemented it and stood by while it happened. But Britain has the pride of saying that it was wrong and today Britain is known as one of the first abolishers of slavery, although that doesn’t make it right how people were treated and those that died, it does show that Britain acknowledged what was wrong with the world and made it right. And today we see that decision all around us, whether Black, White, Asian or ‘other’ we walk among the same streets in our multicultural society. So my previous statement is wrong and like Britain I acknowledge it. Britain is not losing its identity, but gaining a new one as time moves on. Today you may be something that you wasn’t yesterday and may or may not be tomorrow. Our identity isn’t what we were yesterday but who we are today, and what we want to be tomorrow.

So is this happening around the world? Are there just the select few that make it out of their hometown and follow their dreams? Or are everyone’s dreams answered eventually? Is that possible? Is life such a great mechanism that we all get what we want in the end, in the west end the musicals tell us that we should chase our dreams and have a happy ending, but the stories of the east end are that of broken dreams and no prosperity. So is it a tale of two ends, or in life are the endings always the same?

Inside us all we have our own political ideas, our own opinions and our own beliefs, in our world and in our life’s we generally stand together despite our differences and although we don’t always like who we’re near we understand that we have to co-exist and that a little happiness along the way can make the road a lot smoother. There are some who turn this into an all out war, there are those wars that are cold, and there are those that are brutal and bloody. But although we fight we must all come together and believe that we are here for a reason and we might not know what it is yet but one day when we fulfil it we will know our work is done.

So escaping London, might not be all it’s cracked up to be, after all if we feel that attached to it then there must be something there. We can’t choose where were from, we can’t choose who we are, because who we are is not a physical thing, it cannot be touched, it can only be known. And although it cannot be touched, one person, in the deepest part of their heart, can feel it. And we must be thankful for our history because our history has got us here and as long as we learn the lessons of yesterday we can progress to the dreams of tomorrow. In life there are those special things that when around us make everything okay, in London these are the tube stations, the markets, the newspaper stands, the view from the bridge. These are the things that make us comfortable and these are the things that make us smile. Because life is like the city you’re from, and for the time being, despite its flaws, my life is fabulous.

Broken Fortunes

When things don’t go exactly as you believed they would you begin to understand the saying expect the unexpected. But why is it that things you completely expect to happen never do? Why is it what we expect escapes us? And that makes us believe that we should never expect anything, but that would just be dull. We never expect to win the lottery but there are people out there who win, therefore we have to expect something. And that’s the game of gambling, we can’t possibly know the outcome of life but we have a guess and hope it pays off. However, there are some very lucky few that with a little reputation behind them get everything they want. Is this something that will last forever or, will our time come, will we get everything? What is it about reputation that makes all the difference? If its true that any publicity is good publicity then why aren’t we all famous and fulfilling our dreams? Recently I’ve been wondering why does great public relations get us a great personal relationship?

It’s not often that I get to writing about relationships, but its not often that I get the chance. Why is it that when we think we’re close to winning the gold medal it slowly slips to silver? And even though we got ourselves a medal it doesn’t feel as good and it doesn’t taste as good as the real thing. When there is someone you like it seems the lesson has been learnt, never should you hold back with your feelings, restricting ourselves will never help us win, and we’ll probably never forgive ourselves. We cannot know what taking the other path would be like, we have to accept the path we are on and assume control, but are we ever in control?

If, like they say we have to expect the unexpected, how can we? Since the unexpected can’t be expected; we therefore we have no way of knowing. That is why despite what we know now we cannot assume we know about tomorrow. This week a psychic on Oxford Street offered to read my fortune and upon considering I came to the conclusion that even if this man knew what was in store for me, would it really benefit me to know? If I knew what was going to happen tomorrow would I care living today? The final nail for me was when he said ‘I don’t tell nothing bad.’ Because although we cannot want bad things to happen we have to understand that there will be times where we struggle and if there wasn’t none then this guy could not really know about tomorrow. And so I declined, because tomorrow is something I must work for today.

There are trials in life that we must all face, the devastating losses, the breakups and break downs, the cold winters and gloomy summers. There are days when we wake up to realise mountains that held high are crushed and fallen, there are days when structures indestructible become no more, the titanic, the twin towers, Lehman Brothers. Could any of these be expected? But this is life. Like a business cycle, like any cycle, there will be tough times, there will be tough decisions, companies will come and go, people may die and our feelings will be like the stock markets; falling and in decline. But there are glory days, there may be few, but these are the days of life. This is living.

You see, we can’t always expect the best, because it is not always available. We can love with all our heart and not be loved back. And PR can only be short term, celebrities don’t stay clean forever, they can’t. Everyone has his or her own inhibitions. They are on their highs while others are on their lows. The world holds a delicate balance of happiness. And if like me you’re on the wrong end of the cycle there are times to come. There are times of love to come. There are times of great glory, and if I’m just serving my harsh time in demise for the past couple of years, then the cycle must be close to an end and I can only hope that forever is a time of happiness, because happily ever after sounds good and I don’t need no psychic to tell me that.