Swings and Roundabouts

In the clear summers night of mid July, when the stars were shining through and brightening up the London sky, and the moon in all its half glory echoed amongst them, I got to wondering (as normal) about life. How the choices we make may decide the very fate we are heading to. Are we suppressing ourselves by not creating opportunities? And are others suppressing us? If so, How do we confront these suppressions and excel? Can we break free? And if we do what knowledge do we have that we’ll be caught on the other side? If life is really just a set of swings and roundabouts, what changed? When did the swings and roundabouts we used to love as kids, in which we saw no danger, become dangerous? We have to wonder when did it all get so serious?

Remember the days in the playground, when you would be told to be careful or slow down, and all you wanted to do is go higher or faster. Is this where all the fun went? Did we start getting boring because we started listening? Undeniably, there were times when we should have listened and didn’t, but no doubt there were times when we listened, and wished we hadn’t. But when was it that other people’s judgments started being important. Sometimes we need to refocus our efforts. Sometimes we need to come to our own conclusions and find out for ourselves why it is we shouldn’t do ‘it’.

Decisions come more and more every year. And yet inside ourselves we are always facing one on our own. A difficult one. Something that maybe we can never fully answer. Maybe we can never fully decide. Some decisions mean losing too much, and it is these decision that pain us. Because even if our heart tells us the answer, our minds can’t face the music and swing. But why is it that when you decide to take one answer that the heart doesn’t believe in, it won’t give up until you pick the other. Why when your at a roundabout, and you’ve picked your destination, does the road become shut? Yes the other two routes may lead us there in the end, but on a longer journey, one of fears and tears. A journey where the baggage is light, not because you dropped it, but because it dropped you. Is it fair that such a small decision should change our lives so dramatically?

So what is getting us down? As a nation, a city? Is it really the money, the job, the friends, the relationship? Which of these is our real pain? It could be any one. Or maybe a mixture of them all. But all of these things make up who we are. Its what we do, what we buy, who we see, how we laugh. So basically its us. Are we just getting ourselves down. By not doing anything but think, are we thinking ourselves so deep that we will soon drown? Should we instead get out of the thought process and get into the action? Should we jump out of the net and into the ocean, we should.

Putting it off will just continue to hurt us. If our lives are boring, it is our own fault. We brought ourselves here, so we should take ourselves back again. When we were young, we cut our leg, grazed our arm, we fell down. And the tears may have come as an automatic reaction but what was the lead-time on our recovery? Minutes? Seconds even? We may have fell down in life but we got back up, we didn’t think about it, we didn’t make it something it wasn’t, we had no reason to. And why should we now? When we fall down, we should take as much time as we did when we were 6 recovering, wipe the tears, stick on a plaster and carry on. Because life is a load of swings and roundabouts, and they keep getting higher, and they keep getting faster. And that’s as serious as it should get.

Minding the gap

There are some buildings so monumental and historical you will recognise them in the blink of an eye. In London we have so many of the structures and when you see them everyday and week, you start to need to escape. If Big Ben is London’s signature building then what is London’s signature sound? The Tube? Everybody moving around and escaping the last station. As we all escape and the summer holiday season begins we reach the vital question. Whether to leave it all behind, the baggage, the friends; or to come back, to revisit the past and let it be in the future? “Are you travelling one-way or return?”

Departing is the excitement before the real excitement. It’s the anticipation and the questioning of what will be? In life we’re always departing for something new, another day at school, at work, another day at life. But why is it that departing in this sense is so different? Where does the excitement go? Is it because the same journey done repeatedly is so hard to believe in? Is it because the buildings we see are still there and nothing changes? Change is therefore the ultimate excitement in any journey. And if the journey is a result of change then we face the best journey of all.

There are those that worry they have missed their stop. There are those that worry if they’re even on the right tracks. But there are those that reassure themselves with fate. Those that say, “if it was important for me to get off there, I would have felt it.” What is it about fate that we search for? Is it an excuse for our own beliefs? When we feel something isn’t right why do we blame it on fate? Are we all scared of reality? Are we all scared of our own feelings? Why when we feel something is perfectly fine for others to do are we so scared to come out and accept we would as well?

What about arriving? Sometimes we are disappointed by what we see. The luxury we were promised is nothing more than a luxury reception. Is this what we all do? Are we putting on a brave face but inside are scared? When on our own we often say “ye I’m fine.” But are we really fine? Is it that we just don’t want to share our problems? Or is it that sharing them might make them real? What we all face is a trouble to ourselves but we must recognise that in each of our lives we all face troubles. We all have something to mull over. We all worry about something, because there is always something for everyone. But what we all do is just human. Because while there is always a problem for everyone, there also always lies an opportunity for everyone. It may not be evident, but when is it ever? We may have to dig to find it. But where there is negative, like the world itself balanced in magnetic fields, there is also positive to cancel out.

And then there’s the question of return. While we all would love to live in this fantasy holiday, on a dreamy island with endless sun. We can’t stay here forever. Eventually we have to return. Because often, even though we may have escaped, behind us London is coming to find us. Because home will always chase you everywhere you go. It won’t let go and in your heart neither will you. So one way may seem like a good idea but in the end will just end up being uneconomical. We are all on a journey ourselves. Each of us sent from somewhere only to return there when we pass on. And sometimes the journey is only short lived, but the memories live longer than the people left behind to pass them. This journey, much like the Waterloo and City line has very few stops but is short and very sweet.

Escaping can never be long term, because we hear our home calling, and our hearts groaning, despite the fun we may have. Returning is the breath of air that we taste, that vibe, the rush. And then we see the building, and although it may not have changed, we have. And that is life.

R.I.P. Ben Kinsella