6 Billion People, 6 Billion Problems

Despite being in one of the most socially active times of my life I’ve never felt more alone, the need to have someone to hold, to love, to need is overwhelming. And while love spills and overflows all around me I can’t help but feel half full and half empty. There are some turning points in life that are so noticeable and ground shattering that they are felt for miles and years but it seems that over the past years I have turned so many corners that I’ve ended up in a worse place than I started off. Where am I? What am I doing? And when will I realise that not searching for what is missing will take longer than doing so?

While dreams are being made and achieved all around, hopes are being accepted and people are overflowing with happiness I can’t seem to find the answer as to why I am unhappy. Is it jealousy; is it typical that while people seem to be succeeding and myself lagging behind my usual higher standards that I have become jealous of those that I once pitied? Is it possible that when taking the high road you will face a setback so great that those below will surpass you. Is it possible that on the road of life there is a high price to pay for speed, if it’s not a toll, it’s a speed fine. And there are some don’t make it all the way, and cause the whole motorway to slow down. It seems a simple concept; life. Just to stay healthy and carry on going, through thick and thin, and you’ll live a long and happy life. But in the reality there is substance, there is emotion, there are sins and hatred. There are people who envy and seek vengeance; there is murder and shock. Devastation.

Sometimes the tunnels don’t have light at the end, or at least it’s a long way off. But sometimes, it is these tunnels we have to experience to come out on top. Why is it so easy for some people? Why are they born popular and loved? Why are some people controversial and unaccepted in society? When did we start allowing normal to be defined? Why can’t the people around us be happy for us, communicate with us, build our confidence and strengthen their love? What have we done so wrong to deserve this? Where is our break, our freedom our junction? When life has been going 90mph for the last 5 years and we’ve got used to it, why does slowing down seem so depressing and how do we get back? And if we’ve broken down all together, who rescues us? In a car we have choices, the RAC, AA and the Police but in life who is there? What is the number for breakdown recovery? On the road, ultimately we are alone and we can’t always follow the same path, the cars are all different colours, from different places. Each unique.

But if you are awaiting recovery shouldn’t the lesson of this post and others be to make your own recovery? I think that while there are some times when we can recover ourselves there are also times where we cannot do nothing because we don’t have the knowledge or experience. Only we can judge what the problem is and whether we can deal with it on our own or to split it.

How do you make people realise who you really are? How do you break to them that you’ve changed? How do you bring it up in conversation? How do we lose all the restrictions and run, and run, and run?

Although it may not be any comfort to us, everyone is facing troubles. Our minds all consumed by some trouble, some issue. Some may be bigger than others but that is because we risked a lot more. The stakes were higher and the odds less guaranteed. But we are all betting on something. And while we’re sitting on the side of the road we should plan our recovery and wait for someone to help and one day we might be able to help them back. Because that’s the thing about life, we don’t always earn something immediately from the deeds we do, but some day it will mature and the reward will be greater than the cost of stopping.

Getting up

Sometimes we have to get away. We hate to accept the things we so badly want to change that we have to escape to get away from them. But is it escaping or just delaying? And will the escape make the problem much worse? It seems so. Sometimes we just don’t like the way something sounds. But by any other name would still be the same. Why is there always something? We are all acting, all playing on this stage of life, all hiding or concealing feelings or desires. We are all limiting ourselves. We all have troubles we cannot confess because saying them out loud will make it real. We all want to excel in life and move on the ladder to success but what if the ladder is on the floor, how do we get it up? I find myself wondering whether escaping is worth the hassle?

If we’ve come to end of all our roads, explored every avenue and found dead ends everywhere, and we know what we have to do to open the opportunities up but are too scared or too concerned to do so, how can we move on? How can we improve our future if we cannot prove who we are to ourselves? And if we are good on paper then why is it that in reality we have many troubles? There are so many who seem to be so happy with their ‘bad on paper’ lives. They seem to live trouble free and because their aims are much lower and easier to attain they are always satisfied with what they have. Is it possible that lowering your standards can improve your life? And if we lower our standards then what does the future hold?

It sounds like a lot of questions, but sometimes you just need a lot of answers. If we run from our troubles why does a bus hit us all the time? Is it possible to run and keep on running? I don’t feel that running should be an option, being brave and facing our troubles is not either though, or so it seems. If we do face the toughest challenge of our lives so far and get through it what will have changed? It seems that we’re certainly not scared to confess, but scared of the uncertainty of change. What guarantees can we get that nothing will change? None.

And there lies our trouble. If Tom chooses to admit, will Dick and Harry continue to be synonymous with him, or will the unbreakable break? If the unsinkable Titanic can sink, then it seems true that Tom, Dick and Harry will be separated. What does it take to open our eyes? Who are we fooling? Are we really all acting? Are we all having these and other troubles and cannot confess? And if so when is the interval? Because in a show as long as life, in a theatre like London we all need a break from the truth.

If it proves difficult to raise the ladder and no one is around to lend a hand, do we choose a different ladder? Is that the defining moment that makes us take off the mask and end the show? Or is it just life telling us to make a change, choose another ladder and break free?
And then, when you come back and all the troubles that followed you add to the existing ones at home, was it all worth it? Yes. Because even if we wanted to change our decision we can’t, its been and gone. Done. Face the music, and dance.

After all, if we are all acting and the world isn’t throwing us any lifelines then how can we not keep up the game. There are always excuses, workarounds, and blame to be placed elsewhere. And using these is the only lifelines we have. At least for now. Because we live in hope that all these bad times will end. And sometimes hope is worlds only lifeline.