There comes a day every year where we stop for a moment. A smooth chill runs down our spine, our arms tingle and our legs shiver just a little. Even if it’s just for a moment it’s a signal, like a huge red flare, but not as warm, it’s telling us to close the window slip into a warm cosy old jumper that smells just like last winter. And as we close the window, we bring to a close much more than just a window. We look out amongst the grass, the trees, the odd buttercup still alive. We look at the sky still bright blue with a few billowing clouds and the sun easing in and out, brightening and darkening our day. And as we fasten the window shut, the wind pounces once more and one leaf disconnects and falls in the dead wind to the floor. It pronounces the most special time of year, when London becomes beautiful again, that time of glistening sun and chilling winds, the leaves pile up in the dashing red colours and you realise to yourself that a whole year has passed. Once again it’s autumn.
This is normally a blog of indecisive and continuous questioning. I often question the way things are, the way things ought to be. I often question the future, the past and most notably the present. But turning 20 almost 2 months ago has had a strange effect on me. I’ve stopped questioning and started listening. I’ve stopped worrying and started starting. I realised something, that life isn’t about questioning or delivering answers even though we seek them so much, but it’s about doing it your way. Life shouldn’t be a destination but a journey, it should have up and downs. It should be difficult because challenges are where we, as humans, thrive and always have done. I have had a difficult session of seasons the autumn brought me down, the winter kept me there, the spring brought me hope and the summer brought me back. Last year was a difficult for everyone I know, it made us question ourselves, even people who’ve never questioned before. The last year has taught us all a lesson, that life really is too short and it’s not just a saying.
I write today happier than I can remember, my head is clearer than it’s ever been. My path is laid out before me, I know where I’m going and yet I still know from plenty of experience that it doesn’t take a lot to turn it all around. I know that when things are up they can’t stay there and I wouldn’t let myself believe it for a second. This may not be the dreamworld that we always hoped for, but it’s as close as we’re going to get. And nothing can stop us from keeping on dreaming.
The seasons are changing, the temperature too. But I know that everything’s going to be OK because I’ve been here before. The people may be different but the surroundings are the same. And my window may well be closed but my door is always open.
