Always the real thing?

In the never-ending world of disappointments, discontinuity and discerning tastes that are ever changing how can we become that what we are. How can we speak up and be heard? How can our dreams be achieved? How can that which once hindered us be made into that that helps us?

We may have all have a dream but it takes someone strong and challenging to make that dream a reality. It takes a chance and often a hell ‘a lot of courage to take the bold step from introvert to the extrovert. From something we do only in hiding to flip reverse the status quo and create ourselves a new status. A new beginning. A new us. But how we can convince ourselves if we can’t convince the people who care for us and guide us? We have to wonder who is wrong? Is our heart misleading us, or our misguided by another with “our best interests at heart?”

In the confusing and difficult arena that is the teenage years we find ourselves questioning our beliefs, our instincts and our hearts. But are these questions of disbelief or belief? Are we questioning ourselves because we have to at this stage or because if we don’t we won’t realise who we are, and ultimately who we will be.

What is it about the teenage years, where the questions just keep flowing and even after answering all of them we find we’ve developed more questions than we have answered. Is this sustainable and does it continue? You see more questions! And as we approach the milestone where we leave our teens behind and it appears that maybe all our questions come to close we begin developing bigger problems, ones that we put aside a year or so ago and have since snowballed without us knowing. We question our future and whether we will be accepted. We question our past and whether we did all we could. And we question our present and wonder, are we where we’re supposed to be?

Why does it take a movie or a musical to bring up the emotion to make us realise what our questions are? Why do lose our footing every so often and then take so long to realise were falling? Why can’t the people around support us for who we are not who they want us to be? I sit and wonder when someone will come and take me out this black hole. Or can I bring myself out of it, all by myself? Ye it’s been done but when you’ve been hit by every blow, shot down at every fence how can we really dust ourselves off and get up with out a supporting hand? Surely it’s just not possible.

In the past couple weeks I’ve put myself in a dangerous position, secluded, removed and away. Maybe it’s my own fault that I find myself so far from reality. Maybe it’s my fault that there’s little energy I have to go on. There’s no one to talk to, no one to share with. But I find that it’s only in the down points of my life that I learn lessons. That it’s only when we find ourselves asking questions do realise our answers. So maybe it’s key to ask as many questions as possible. If we can get all the answers as soon as possible then maybe we can retire into real life sooner than everyone else.

As a cancer sign, I just realised that the past paragraph is just description of who I am. Maybe, as a crab, I’ll always retreat to my shell. Maybe we have to escape reality sometimes. Because reality is harsh and not always easy. It causes pain and tears. When our friends become distant we have to talk. If the reason isn’t geographical then what is it?

So is it wise to trust ourselves or trust those around us? Do we play it safe or dare to dream? Playing it safe may be sensible but does it make good sense in the long run? Every now and then we must jump the rope to realise what’s on the other side. Sometimes we’ll jump right back over and run home to those that warned us. But life is all about lessons. And there’s no better lesson learnt that the one we learn ourselves. In the end times change and people change, and even if they don’t believe, we have to. Because with it is who we are. And we find in ourselves someone who will make our dream a reality.